I did a favor for a friend the other day and in the process heard something that’s been buzzng around in my head since.
My friend’s youngest was sick and she asked me to pick her oldest up from pre-school. No prob. I ran into a couple friends from knitting we chatted a bit while we waited till school was over. In the last few minutes, as kids and parents were filing out, i heard one Mom ask another if she was looking forward to her child going on to kindergarten next year. Reasonable question that. Its the answer that floored me.
“Yes! I can finally begin to put back together the shattered pieces of my life.”
OK. Maybe it was meant in jest but it had such a ring of truth and desperation to it that I was sad and angry at the same time. Then the boy was ready to go home and I packed my thoughts away till I’d have a time to really chew on them.
Well chew I have. I actually allowed myself to consider a sympathetic and dissenting argument.
On the sympathetic side, she was older so maybe she was really set in her ways, I don’t know if she has older/more kids and this is some swiftly approaching endpoint for her, I don’t know the state of her current partner relationship having to juggle multiple/separate homes can really mess with your life, maybe she’s had a schizophrenic multipersonality break and is actually not the same woman who gave birth to the child.
Yeah, sorry, sympathetic loses.
How can you really think that children have broken your life? Man, I DO NOT have the easiest time with my kids and I absolutely treasure my alone time but nothing about my life broke because of my kids, if anything my weaknesses have strengthened – because I can’t get whipsnap psycho mad at a child, I can’t swear at them (and get the kind of reaction I’m looking for if I’m employing the F word in a madness induced rant so what’s the point), I can’t ignore them for days on end, I can’t just leave, I can’t drink them away. My kids have made me better, stronger, everything. I have the care and keeping of 4 lives in my hands each day and I made two of them – I made 2 people, I’m still helping to make them, helping them become…whatever they will be. Sure I get angry with my kids sometimes, exasperated, frustrated, completely flummoxed and fucking bewildered but those are not the majority of my experiences with my kids.
All I can think of is the stories of the worst customers in the world from back in my retail sales days, you always remember the truly horrible customers, you never remember the great ones or the 1000’s of average mediocre ones. If all you ever do is talk about and remember the bad experiences then you have a tendency to forget that they are a fraction of your actual experiences and you begin to give the hairy eyeball to each person that walks in the door because you have convinced yourself that they are all assholes. You have to let it go.
Now, in truth, you cannot know what it is to have the raising of a child until you actually do it and it is HARD but HOW HOW HOW can you resent in any way a being that was YOUR CHOICE to bring into existence?!?! That child that broke your life? YOU MADE IT! YOU BROUGHT IT HERE! YOU!
If your life is shit, thats on you not your child. How dare you. How dare you.
Things you may not have known about me: I swear like a trucker
– rant done. You know I don’t bitch too often so thanks for sticking with me.
Want pretty pictures and crafty goodness? me too.
See, while I was chewing I was working too. Cowl and fingerless mitts that will pass on to someone this holiday ;)